As always, I use “100 Ways to Write” to allow all you awesome nerds voice your opinions. Since this is the first guest post of the year, I would like to remind everyone that anything that is posted on my site by another person do not reflect opinions of my own as they are not my words. However, I continuously appreciate the works that are brought to my attention, and I like to share them with all of you. So enjoy and I encourage discussions at the bottom of the page!
Just for the next 971 words, let me take you away from your crowded study rooms and consequently messy minds. Draw into your imagination for the next few minutes, and come with me to an indefinite amount of time into the future, to a dystopian world that we shall call… Menocide.
I feel that I need to start off by saying that while I WISH I had come up with this unorthodox society, it is in fact the brain child of the one and only, wondrous, fantastical, magnificent Miss Morgan Shortnacy, from my Intro to Fiction class. This is just my attempt at fleshing out this master mind idea of hers.
First, a thanks to the Barefoot-and-Pregnant antifeminist ideal that has oppressed women for all these years. It’s because of this that the world is just now realizing the true potential that women hold: anything men can do, women can do in addition to being impregnated with the next generation. So (and I know that I am putting my reputation at risk here with this statement), what’s the use of men aside from their added ingredient to the reproduction process?
Sexism, abortion conflict, overcrowded and overburdened foster and adoption systems, overpopulation (exaggerated feminism)—these are just some of the many things that can be discarded if we were just to separate the sexes by an ocean. Actually, let’s go a step farther. Let’s separate them in EVERY way possible so that future children won’t know of the other gender’s existence.
We’ll just remove all the approved males for reproduction to an unknown location and let the women have a chance at world domination (No more need for high heeled hell!). What makes a man ‘acceptable’ in this apocalyptic aggregate? I assume godlike looks, infinite intelligence, athleticism, wisdom and charm beyond their years followed by rippling pectorals might do the trick—so basically thousands of identical Ryan Reynolds.
With the males on the other side of the planet, the rest of the Earth population can worry less about equality and more about their wives and daughters. Well how did you think romantic relationships would work if all the men of the world were transferred to their own continent? Homosexuality would be the most obvious (and only) way of life. And before you complain girls, let me just point out that studies show that lesbians tend to be MUCH more adept at reaching orgasm. Without the need to dress up for men and distinguish yourself, you could get there more easily.
Family Units would consist of two wives and a daughter if one was desired. The question of conception was all too easy to solve for our creator: you apply to get pregnant. The couple would go to the powers to be and ask for a daughter. The chosen partner would then be artificially inseminated with the male’s genetics and bing-bang-boom! In nine months, the family would be complete with their own little mini me.
What happens if they get pregnant with a boy? Well I’m glad you asked, she wouldn’t. It’s not a possibility. Since semen would be harvested from penial purgatory, scientists could separate the X-chromosome cuties from the Y-chromosome casualties before conception. Simple! But, of course, what is the world without the macho component? Which is why, if a girl found herself in a sticky financial situation, she could apply to carry and birth a Spermster (let me get to that in the next paragraph) for compensation. Her offspring would then be shipped off to life with the Sea Men (get it?).
To address the odd label in the former paragraph, let us move on to titles in the estrogen occupancy. You didn’t think that we’d let names with misogynistic roots such as “female” and “woman” stick around did you? The stems of these words have strong and powerful connotations, while the girly words themselves are weak and winded. This is why the general population will be referred to as males/men, and their testosterone counterparts as Spermsters. Seeing as this is their only function in this universe, it seems rather fitting.
Before you men get offended by this ludicrous suggestion, let me tell you this: the men on their island (I’m thinking New Zealand, there’s nothing there anyway right?) will be treated as kings—no, dare I say—Gods. We recognize that the human race is dependent on you as well, and while you wouldn’t be welcome in this particular futuristic commonplace, you would have every whim satisfied. Admittedly, this is just to keep you all complacent, but think of it this way: you wouldn’t have to worry about money, work, understanding women, dealing with taxes, etc. etc. etc. You could live without a single care in the world, assuming you were accepted into this primordial paradise and willing to lead a homosexual lifestyle—and it would be HIGHLY recommended to do so as studies show that a regular cleaning of the male ducts is extremely healthy—and donate your seed every month or so. It seems like a fair trade to me.
So how does that sound? The women, excuse me, MEN will get the respect and opportunities that they missed out on all those eras ago while the men get to live a simple existence focused entirely around worldly pleasures.
Of course this is just an interesting theory that was thought up in a highly creative English major mind for a dystopian novel assignment in a fiction class. But even so, there are some recognized gaps and problems with this world. For example: What is there was a mix up in shipment? What is a paid pregnancy became a labor of love and the mother refused to give up her boy? And so on and so forth.
I’m pleased to report that Miss Shortnacy is indeed considering a novel on these subjects and for the sake of my sanity and your, I pray that she does.
*We, the brain and the brawn, would like to state very clearly that this article is not to be read as a serious suggestion but instead as a topic for intellectual discussion or laughs, either will do.
~ Olivia from Babblings of a Bibliophile