For some reason that I don’t know how to explain, the word “virgin” has been searched multiple times on my blog site. Why? I have no freaking idea. But, it definitely got me thinking about what this word actually meant. When I was younger, like a lot of teenagers, I saw the word “virgin” as a derogatory meaning. It meant inexperienced, specifically in one’s sexual life, which I had none of.
Let me just tell you something: there is absolutely no romance in my life. It’s not because I don’t pursue it, but rather that I just don’t have the time for it. Yes, I have had relationships and such, but they’ve all been extremely casual, which is why my “Love and Appearances” category is not very heavy on the love side.
Then again, why is it when we see this word that we automatically think “lack of sex?” All in all, virgin just means you’re brand new to an activity. A novice. To be fair, we were all novices at one time at something, but we all seem to be scared to admit when it actually is our first time. I remember the first time I rode a roller coaster. I was deathly scared of heights and amusement parks sort of made me want to hurl. Yet, I went on one of the largest rides at this park, because I was scared my friends were going to call me a wimp or a coward. In addition to this fact, I intentionally left out the part about how it was my first time. I was too scared of what they would think of me.
Being a virgin should not be a derogatory statement. Like I said, because we were all virgins once, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Losing your “virginity,” on the other hand, may be thought of differently. For now, due to this high interest in virginity in my search box, I will put this in terms that most of you will hopefully understand: sex. Whoo! I’m on a roll this week, especially with my literary perspective with my comparison of erotica versus porn (link).
So…what does losing your virginity mean?
Is it the first time you have sexual intercourse with a man? What if you’re a lesbian and you’ve only had sex with a man? Are you a virgin?
Or perhaps maybe it is the first time you have sexual intercourse with somebody you love? Or actually care about? Maybe the first time you had sexual intercourse meant nothing, so you really didn’t lose your virginity.
Technicalities? I think so, because we all see this word differently. However, when you read a lot of old literature and classic stories, you may think of a word that fully embodies the traits of a “virgin”: purity. Apparently, if you haven’t done something, that means you’re “pure.” Yet, with this word, we assume the activity is one that is considered dirty or disgraceful. Something the opposite of pure. Apparently, once you lose your virginity, you lose your purity, as well.
Why are we all pressured to lose our virginity? It might have something to do with the fact that we are all convinced we will end up alone sometime in our life. We tell ourselves that if we don’t experience things in life, we aren’t truly living. New things. Dangerous things. So we push ourselves to experience all these activities.
Let’s take a religious perspective now. One of my best friends is a very devoted Catholic, and she admitted to me that she had sex with her three-year boyfriend. Because she believed in abstinence (no sexual intercourse until marriage), she felt ashamed to lose her virginity. She would not “deflower” before a man until she had legal and religious consent.
I have many problems with this thought process, but I want to point particularly at one: why are you so ashamed? When you lose your virginity, should you feel ashamed that it happened? Especially considering the other person was a guy you dated for three years?
Maybe you shouldn’t consider yourself a virgin. Maybe the moment when you lose your virginity is the moment when you feel happy and proud that you did it. Not ashamed. Nobody should feel ashamed about anything they do. I barfed after I rode a roller coaster for the first time. I didn’t lose my (roller coaster) virginity until I screamed at the top of my lungs and waved my arms in the air in excitement.
What does being a “virgin” actually mean? Should we feel ashamed to be “virgins?”