So I just recently got this lecture from my friends about today’s word of the day. Yay! Because of course the one thing I want to listen to is about how I shouldn’t give up hope on relationships even though 1) I’m single and 2) I’ve never had a successful relationship. Don’t worry: this post isn’t trashing relationships because maybe one day I’ll look back at this and be like, “Damn, I’m not only a pessimist but also a hypocrite.”
“Relationship.” Hm…I may not be an expert in this field. I don’t say that because I’m single, but I’m pretty crappy with relationships in general. In high school, I had a lot of problems communicating with my parents and vice versa. Socializing in school was also pretty hard because I was pretty anti-cliques and didn’t believe in groups, so I just refused to participate in them. Maybe it’s because I’m just one of those people have it hard when trying to create bonds and relationships with people, even when I try my best to empathize and help a friend out.
So the key to a relationship, in general, (I think) is to make sure you can create that initial bond. That “similar” thing you and the other person have in common. Sometimes, it’s intrinsic, like in a family where you’ve spent so much time with each other that you already know every little detail about the other person. Sometimes, you have to walk up to a table in the lunch room and try to start a conversation. If you’re trying too hard, that bond may be harder to initiate because maybe the relationship wasn’t meant to be. And if you’re trying that hard, there is a strong likelihood that you will be doing the same for the rest of your friendship, which is not really worth it.
That goes for romantic relationships too. A lot of people try to be this different person who they think the other would like, when that may be the wrong thing to do. Even if you are successful pulling off a new personality, is it really worth it? Are your friends really your true friends if they like a personality that you aren’t really yourself? You can fake a personality, and I guess this is where the phrase “people change” comes into play.
I know I definitely started faking personalities when I was in middle school: I wanted to be more confident, preppy, exciting, in contrast to my shy, bookworm self. Over time, however, it seemed as if my true personality ended up mimicking my fake personality, and the two began to merge. Then, I went a little overboard and became a bitch (which is what you shouldn’t do) and I had to re-design my personality.
That sounds incredibly weird. How can you re-design a personality? It’s not a room you’re redecorating and it’s not a map you’re redrawing.
But what if it is? As human beings, we strive to make relationships with other people and we do that by trying to fix ourselves first, as individuals, before we bond with people who we want to bond with. Yes, we can have fake personalities, but don’t take this in a way that it completely alters you. As much as I wanted to be a pretty, blonde cheerleader, I am not and I accept that. Personally, I consider myself to be a pretty chill person and even though I am confident and I do get excited about things, I’ve found the balance for my personality.
Here’s the real question: do we need to change our personalities to create relationships? How do we find people who we like, but who will also like us back?
This is especially true for romantic relationships, and this is where my friends started yelling at me. It was sort of like two against one, so I didn’t really have a place to say anything or anyone to back me up. Probably because one of them is beautiful and gorgeous and it’s easy for her to get boys to fall for her at first and the other one is the most optimistic dude I’ve ever met.
Hear me out, first. What is the probability that you find somebody that you REALLY like and who likes you back with the same amount of lust or love or whatever you call it? You may say, “Very often. It’s called reproduction.” But no. I’m not talking about biological or sexual pheromones. I’m asking you if you’ve ever liked everything about a person (or accepted the bad qualities, at least) and that person liked you back with the same amount of passion. That would be the ideal, perfect relationship.
Yet, remember: ideal and perfection are dreams. They’re not real. This may be why I am a huge individualist and I don’t really believe in that Nicholas Sparks sappy love. I’ve never felt like I would give up everything for one person, other than my sister, and I don’t think I ever will. Yes, the statistics for divorce rates are going down – don’t give me that shit. It doesn’t happen often, because your “soul mate” or “the one” is out in a sea of billions of people. You may never find him or her. Regardless of fate.
AND THAT’S OKAY. It’s something we need to be okay with. So maybe it’s best to find love in the people we meet by building those bonds and relationships.
What do you think? How do you view the word “relationship”?